The Heaviest I Ever Weighed

I reached a new high, at 270 pounds. It's funny, except not really. Because when I initially weighed just over 200 pounds, I told myself, "Oh it's not that bad. If I lost just a little bit of weight, I would be in the 100s again. Losing 20 pounds will be no big deal." And then I gained 10 pounds, and lost 15, and gained another 20, and lost another 20. And somewhere in the middle of all the yo-yoing, I reached 250. And I said oh dear, God, there is no way I will gain more weight because that is the wrong side of 200 to be on. And people always make that "joke" which isn't really a very funny joke about fat girls that always have some type of phrase like "that girl has to weigh 300 pounds". Except I realized that today, I'm on the wrong side of 200, and I'm about to be that girl that is 300 pounds.

It's interesting, because I never even realized how much weight I had truly gained. I thought maybe I was imagining that I was a whole lot skinnier (yet never skinny) in college. I truly got angry because my fucking dryer was shrinking my clothes - because Lord knows, I'm not the one at fault. I recently went to try on jeans (since the one pair of jeans that fits me "shrunk" in the laundry), and a size bigger than the only pair of jeans I can fit in didn't fit.

Saturday, my loving and truly amazing boyfriend took me to see the Lion King for my belated birthday. We were late going to dinner because I was hysterically crying on the floor of the closet and in the bathroom for hours because I didn't have anything to wear. I have two+ closets of clothes and absolutely nothing fits. Even my work clothes don't fit - which is why everything I've been wearing is stretchy.

I'm writing this more to myself than anyone else in the world as a reminder. My hope and prayer is to talk some sense into myself, and to never turn back. To run away from the heartache of being overweight and judged, and to run towards the life I've always dreamed of living. Nothing can stop you Allissa, but yourself. You are the key to your own happiness and joy, and you have the power to change your life and future forever. You have the ability to get married, be promoted, have children, run marathons, be a fashionista, and become a lover of life. Being overweight your whole life has been a huge blessing, as it taught you some of the biggest lessons you will ever learn. It taught you how to treat others, how to set examples for your future children, why being healthy is important, and most importantly, it taught you all the feelings that are associated with being fat. And the best part about it is that you can free yourself from it all. Use your past to fuel your future and to change lives, including your own. Be the woman God intended you to be.

Love and Blessings.
Allissa

A little more than a swollen ankle

So I'm back to where I started. At least, it feels that way. I'm not really sure because I haven't stepped on a scale in what's probably at least a month, and I've demolished my good eating habits. So here I am, back to square one. And I just ate two cookies.

I think this past week, I truly realized how much mental power it takes to stay in the game of weight loss. One small hit can sink your whole battleship, and it's like you didn't even realize there was a leak in the first place.

Unfortunately, I was derailed by a multitude of things in the past couple of months. I started out super excited and motivated for change, and really started to see the difference in myself. And then I got scared. I feared what my life would be like upon graduation. I feared finding a career by May, and I knew that the lease for our apartment will be up around the same time. It presented the question of staying or moving, and on top of that, my parents will also be moving. I started sabotaging myself by not going to class and not studying. Knowing it hurts my grade, and I continued to not care. I've been going to school for so long, I began feeling like I didn't know how to do anything else. On top of all that, I had a swollen ankle for a while, but kept running on it. After going to the doctor, I found out I have PTTD - Posterior Tibial Tendonitis Dysfunction in my left foot. He told me to get an ankle brace, but it hasn't seemed to help much, so I'm guessing that I am going to have to get a follow up with an ortho soon. This has been probably the most frustrating part, knowing I can't run, I feel like I can't work out at all, and I felt defeated. So I threw the whole towel in, because I fear working out and further injuring myself.

Fear is a funny thing. A simplified excerpt from wikipedia says: Fear is the ability to recognize danger leading to an urge to confront it or flee from it (also known as the fight-or-flight response) but in extreme cases of fear (terror) a freeze or paralysis response is possible. Fear, whatever its source, can become a controlling factor in a person’s life. Interestingly enough, my favorite quote from a book by Neal Diamond Walsh says:

"We are TAUGHT to fear and to believe in fear. And we can just as easily teach ourselves to Love and to believe in love. Our beliefs make up our realities and our realities are our Worlds. We get to choose what our Worlds will represent - Fear or Love."
So as easy as it is to believe in fear, it's just as easy to believe in anything else. Love. Courage. Strength. Faith. So every day, I can choose to cast my fears and worry to God. 1 Peter 5:7 says "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." So I have to challenge the strength of my mind everyday, and challenge what I choose to believe in for the day. Will my mind win or lose?

When I was talking to Garrett about my struggles, he mentioned having the mindset that tomorrow is a new day, which doesn't normally work for me. When I start having a bad day, I end up throwing the towel in, feeling that I screwed my whole day up and I can try again tomorrow. But today, I feel the change agent coming on again. Tomorrow being a new day makes me feel hopeful. I supposed it's all about having a balance of the new day attitude and being disciplined enough to get to the finish line. I think the frustrating thing for me being a type A personality is that I feel like know there will never be a finish line. A healthy lifestyle isn't a quick fix of eating healthy for a few years to lose the weight, and then go back to stuffing my face. It's about adopting a life-long change agent. And as much as I nag my boyfriend for being accepting of change, I'll go out on a limb and say that this change is pretty damn difficult. If it weren't, I would have embraced it quite a while ago.

So my goal for the week is to cut out soft drinks, for the billionth time. I was actually doing REALLY well with this a couple months ago, and I felt way better about myself. But just one diet coke "because it sounds good" turned into my old habit/addiction. So I have to face the fact that I'm just not ready to add Cokes back into my life.

My What-If Closet

I just packed away 18 pairs of blue jeans into a storage container. 18 pairs of jeans that simply don't fit. 18 pairs multiplied by an average of $50 totaling $900 of too-small-for-me jeans, and this is sadly the very beginning of my packing.

You see, I had this great idea. I decided that I was going to pack away all my clothes that are too small for me into containers with the size labeled on them. That way, when I lost the weight, I could have easy access to the clothes I needed that would fit. Little did I know, this process would be way more depressing than it seemed. So much to the point where I just stood in the middle of the closet with tears streaming down my face. Who knew clothes could have such harsh effects on my reality?

Because the things is, for probably the first time in my life, I owned up to my life. I owned up to the years of living my what-if lifestyle. The what-if shorts, and the what-if dress. I purchased clothes based on the idea that one day, I was going to fit into them. And I kept buying, and I kept spending, until I sat here today in a full closet of my what-if life. I've been wearing the same pair of jeans for almost a year now, because I've reached the point where I refuse to buy another pair of jeans in a size I don't want to admit I wear.

The saddest part is that I have an entire closet full of a size that I don't wear, and that I shouldn't wear, because it would still be an unhealthy weight. But in my eyes, if I could just be a size 12 or 14, it would be a dream. I was just so sick of not being able to shop in stores that I wanted to shop in, that I decided I could shop there if I wanted to. So I bought them anyways. I bought things that flat out didn't fit because one day "I would", and I bought things that kind of fit, but didn't really. If I had come out of the fitting room, everyone in the room would have said "ooh baby, no", and I maybe would have saved myself the misery of a closet full of tag adorned clothes. However, I never would have faced that embarrassment, as I always avoid leaving the fitting room while I'm trying clothes on.

This has lead me to my current life, where I wear the same pair of jeans (1 pair), a revolving set of Nike athletic shorts, and oversized t-shirts (preferably my boyfriends' because they hide most things and don't display every single fat roll on my body). My dad used to mention things about how he hated that I wear my clothes so tight, or that I wear the same stupid Nike shorts all the time, that are too short in his opinion. And I'll agree with him, I'm not a huge fan of my thunder thighs in them....but it's all that fits.

I understand that I have the wrong attitude about all of this. I understand that I should be overly joyed with the potential I have to change my life. But today, I realized I've been trying to lose "just a few pounds" for over 8 years. "Just a few pounds" seems to be nothing compared to the 100+ that I truly NEED to lose. Today, I am probably more discouraged than I have been when it comes to my weight loss journey throughout the past 16 years of my life that I have been overweight.

But I have a choice on how I want to deal with the feeling of defeat. I can marvel in it, or I can challenge it. I can change it. I can tell myself that I'm sick and tired of living my what-if life, and that I'm done with living it. I can win. Hopefully tomorrow, I choose to win.

I pray, dear God, that you provide me the strength and the courage to win. That you bless me with the power to pull the competitor out of me and to fight for what's right in my life. Please, Lord, give me the strength to use my heart and my mind to its fullest capability in my moments of weakness, and give me clarity in my true desires for myself as life's temptations pass by. Help me find the love and gratitude that you have offered me, and to be grateful for the blessings I have been given in my life. Watch over me as I struggle in the battle I face with myself, a battle that I am capable of winning.

Fabulous Fish Tacos with Quinoa-Black Bean Salad

Seriously. I'm sharing an insane recipe for fish tacos that I simply can't keep to myself! Mostly because I don't cook fish. Ever. I'm afraid to cook fish. There's just so many things that can go wrong with cooking fish - undercooking, burning, etc. It's just not my forté, so I generally shy away. But I found a recipe I adjusted (can't remember where!) that I couldn't pass up trying, so I set my fears aside and seriously conquered.

If I ever take pictures, I will upload because they are worth seeing!

Fish:
4 filets of flaky white fish (I used North Atlantic Cod)

Cilantro

2 cloves garlic

2 limes, juiced
Sea salt
Extra Virgin Olive Oil

1. In a blender, combine a handful of cilantro, garlic, lime juice, and sea salt. Pulse on high until blended well. Once blended, stir in about 6 tablespoons of EVOO. Pour over the filets and let sit for a few minutes. I like to make the guacamole in these few minutes :)
2. Let a skillet heat up on medium heat. Grill fish in the hot pan, and let cook for several minutes on each side. Don't flip them until they come up from the pan with ease and will flake easily! You shouldn't have to pry them off the surface.

Guacamole:
2 large avocados
8-9 cherry tomatoes, halved
1 garlic clove, minced
1/4 tsp. garlic salt
1 lime, juiced
Cilantro

3. Mash the avocado with a fork. Stir in the rest of the ingredients and a handful of chopped cilantro.

Sauce:
Greek yogurt
Fat-free ranch dressing
Sriracha sauce

4. Honesty, I'm not sure on my proportions for this one, I just kind of guessed! I would say probably a few tablespoons of both the yogurt and ranch, and a generous squirt of sriracha.
5. Layer the fish, guacamole, and sauce on a corn tortilla. Top with fresh romaine.

Nutritional information: This serves about 4 people with 2 tacos a piece, totaling around 550 calories and 45 grams of protein! Yum.

But seriously. I was in love. I planned on taking pictures, but my boyfriend and I just couldn't help ourselves to eating them :)
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I used a recipe from allrecipes.com for the Quinoa-Black Bean Salad. Instead of using corn, I added a can of drained chopped tomatoes with green chilies, and a little bit more spice. I was out of cumin, so I substituted some chili powder. All in all, I would say it's a keeper :)

Race Goals

I'm totally exhausted. So just to be brief...

I've been researching on 5Ks. I think I'm going to register for one on April 28th in Kemah. Pretty excited :)

Also, this is my reminder to register for the Warrior Dash in November, and the WWIII.5 in May, even if it is on graduation. I want to do it! Any takers?

Starting weight, first week of January: 26l pounds

Last week's weight: 250 pounds
Today's weight: 248 pounds
This week's weight loss: -2 pounds, 0.76%

TOTAL weight loss: -13 pounds, 4.98%

Short term goal: Lose 20 pounds by March 10

Totally Inappropriate Timing

It's 2:30 AM and I'm supposed to be writing a paper among a mountain of homework that awaits me, so writing this is completely inappropriate right now - but I just can't stand it!

I'm slipping from my goals, and I need to get back on track! So I'm reminding myself why I'm here. I'm here to live a better life, and I'm here to live the life I've always dreamed. That being said makes me more focused already!

Aside from my mini detour this weekend, I'm doing much better than I expected. I've set my mind to a lot of little changes that were much bigger than little when you've had a habit your whole life. The biggest changes being 1. A HUGE cut in the amount of bread I normally eat, as well as changing to whole grain bread. 2. Cutting out most dairy - my love affair with cheese must die. Sad day. But not really a sad day. I don't miss it near as much as I thought I would.

The thing is, I don't really miss food all that much. It's that I can't find the time to choose the right things, and that has to stop. Because if you reword that, I basically just said that I'm too lazy to find the time to eat healthy things for the only body I have. That's pathetic.

However, I made a few big purchases in the past month that I'm pretty sure are totally worth it:

i got fit for a great pair of running shoes at Texas Running Company in Sugar Land, TX. Sam helped me and he was AWESOME. They record you running on a treadmill, and actually teach you about overpronation and what it causes. Then they make sure they get you in the right shoes to reduce risk of injury. Such a great help, so shout out to Sam! Although, I must say that I've had great help to all of the running stores I went to - RunTex and Luke's Locker included. I'm starting to believe people that run are super nice. Not sure why I have been so afraid of them for so long.

Mizuno Wave Nirvana

I also invested in a Garmin Forerunner 205. It's a discontinued model, but through my weeks of research, this seemed like a great GPS watch for beginners and had fabulous reviews. I think for me, it will help me stay motivated to keep going. I can see how far I've REALLY run, what I need to do to beat myself from my previous workout, and is also a heart rate monitor. My trainer, James, has taught me how to use my HRM effectively, so hopefully it helps me train for my first 5K! I'm really excited, and looking for a race in April. My goal is simply to finish. Running a 5K seems so trivial - I feel like regular people run them all the time. But for me? Huge accomplishment.

Garmin Forerunner 305

Anyways, love these products! My weight has been yo-yo-ing the past week or two, but I'm confident enough to say my current weight statistics are:

Starting weight, first week of January: 26l pounds

Last week's weight: 253 pounds
Today's weight: 250 pounds
This week's weight loss: -3 pounds, 1.15%

TOTAL weight loss: -11 pounds, 4.21%

Short term goal: Lose 20 pounds by March 10

The Bucket List

I found this list I wrote a while ago...and it's time to update it. So here is the new and revised bucket list.

Watch the ball drop in Times Square.
Make a difference in someones life.
Go skydiving.
Have a happy ending.
Fall in love: ridiculous, consuming, inconvenient, can't live without you love.
Eat Healthy.
Attend the World Series.
Attend the Super Bowl.
Swim with dolphins.
Send a message in a bottle.
Go on a mission trip.
Plant a tree.
Be a Mom.
Meet the President.
Go bungee jumping. Like, real bungee jumping.
Visit every state in America.Learn to ballroom dance.
Play in a waterfall.
Go on a cruise.
Drive across America from coast to coast with someone.
Go white water rafting. (Montana, Summer 2011)
Ride the tallest roller coaster in the world.
Sleep under the stars.
Have something dedicated with my name on it. (i.e. a bench in the park.)
Design and build my own house.
Scuba dive.
Go to France to see the Eiffel Tower, and the Tower of Pisa in Italy.
Ride in a hot air balloon.
Gamble in Las Vegas.
Visit the top of the Statue of Liberty.
Run a 5k.
Run a marathon.
Finish a triathlon.
Learn to bartend.
Catch a foul ball at a major league baseball game.
Volunteer at the children's hospital.
Create a charity.
Be an extra in a movie.
Ride a horse on a beach.
Go to Mardis Gras in New Orleans.
Watch a space shuttle launch.
Visit the liberty bell.
Give blood.
Fly first class to somewhere fabulous.
Visit a concentration camp.
Ride in a gondola in Venice and sing I Gondolieri.
Visit a pyramid.
See an active volcano.
Climb a mountain.
Scream on the top of that mountain.
Record an album.
Go to a drive in movie.
Have sex in a random, public place.
Witness a miracle.
Adopt an accent for an entire day.
Write a handwritten letter to my congressperson.
Be in the newspaper.
Dare to be different.
Go to an art museum.
Learn to drive a stick shift.
Attend a film festival.
Anonymously do something for someone that will have a significant positive impact on his/her life.
Vote.
Be on TV.
Spend a day at a spa.
Cut diet coke out. (Lent, freshman year of college!)
Write my own song.
Learn to play an instrument, well.
Play an intramural sport.
Become a donor.
Write a book.
Volunteer on a Holiday.
Carve my initials in a tree with someone I love.
Have a tire swing in my back yard.
Go sailing.
Help Habitat for Humanity.
Spend a ridiculous amount of money on a cocktail dress and go bowling.
Visit the capitol...and take tons of pictures.
See Mount Rushmore.
Build a tree house.
Become a mentor.
Get into Law School.
Become a Lawyer.
Drink more water.
Stop saying "like".
Go to church regularly.
Expand my vocabulary.
Have a family.
Get a 4.0.
Paint a picture.
Start a photo journal. Take a picture every day to represent my life.
Exercise regularly.
Get lasik eye surgery.
Find out what my blood type is.
Pray more.
Spend spring break in Mexico.
Write more letters.
Have fun.

How I Gained

You see things; and you say "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?"

George Bernard Shaw

My entire life as I remember myself, I have been heavy. I'm not sure when it started, but I remember it back in the third or fourth grade. At least that is when I remember I started being made fun of for it. 

I have done research, and know that people that are generally overweight for a reason, whether it be psychological, emotional, physical; something has caused it. Nobody wakes up one day and magically gains enough weight to be considered morbidly obese, even if they deny the title of being "obese" and prefer to be called "a little overweight". And to be called anything but fat, because that's for those really large people. It's been a long time since I started gaining the weight, but I can only assume why I started gaining. As a child, my parents moved a lot. I attended over 18 different schools through high school, the biggest move as I went into the fourth grade, from Midland/Odessa, TX to St.Louis, MO. 

The next year we moved to the Houston area, then planned on going to boarding school in St. Louis, didn't go to boarding school, and moved around Houston about a million more times. Through all of this, I naturally began to pull away from my peers. I struggled making friends, because why make friends only to lose them? I think this was when I began turning to food.

Throughout my life, I was naturally good at the arts. I loved music, theatre, and dance. I was also a swimmer for many years, that received many awards for my division. At the age of 11, I was on the swim team, danced for a drill team, played clarinet in my junior high band, and was living without my Mom. My Mom was MIA (not by choice) for something like 6+ months the year I began sixth grade. Thinking back on it in this moment, I can't imagine a more crucial time to need your Mom. As a girl just beginning junior high who didn't know her own place in the world, I missed my Mother and had to rely on my neighborhood Moms, who did the best job I could ask for, but still can't replace the part of you that your parents fill. Through swim team and dance, I met my best friend, Katie Stone. We spent countless hours at each other's houses, and her parents took care of me in my family's time of need. 

In the next couple years, my family continued to move around, including to the Dallas area, were my relationship with Katie still continued. Finally, up until I was high school, I had managed to drop out of swim team, leave band for choir, but continue to dance. I wasn't very great at it, but I still enjoyed it and even made the dance team at my junior high...until I moved again. The dance teams at my new school had already been chosen, so I didn't bother with trying to get on the team. Soon, I was left with just my love for music and theatre, and little physical activity. 

As a freshman in high school, I struggled to find where I fit in to the mix. By this point, I was clearly overweight, and struggled with extreme acne as well as greasy hair and skin (another thing I struggled with a majority of my life). No matter what shampoo or cleanser I tried, nothing seemed to help. These three things combined, I was openly ridiculed and made fun of. Most of the time, I pretended I didn't hear it, or I openly didn't care. But deep inside, the negativity eats away at you after so long. It breaks you down on the inside, no matter how hard you try on the outside. I lost myself in theatre and choir, always hoping to excel, but never excelling well to my own standard, chalked up mostly to low self esteem and little to no confidence. On top of striving to be a good student and singer, I continued to struggle with my weight. And I continued to gain.

The support I had in my life for my education and artistic lifestyles is beyond imaginable. I had the best vocal coaches and directors I could ask for. I always did well at school, though when I didn't, my parents offered me a tutor. Our theatre program was phenomenal, and I got to experience some of the best training in the country at the high school level. But when it came to my weight, I had nothing. I would hear the "you should really watch your weight" or "maybe you shouldn't eat that", but I never actually learned what was happening to my body. And I never learned how to change it.

I went through another slew of emotional problems as I went to college at Texas Tech, where I lost sight of who I am, and who I wanted to become. After three years studying everything from Opera to Biochemistry to English, I decided that I was never going to get better if I didn't face who I was. I came back to Houston, where I only began to gain more weight. And as I realize that I have a decent grasp on what I am good at, and what I enjoy, I forgot how important having a life balance is. 

And then, I woke up and realized that I had gained 30 pounds throughout high school, gained and lost 20 pounds at Texas Tech, and gained more than 60 pounds to date. I realized that i had a entire toolbox full of excuses, including but not limited to:

• I'm busy
• I have to work
• I'm tired
• I have mononucleosis
• I have pneumonia
• I displaced my knee dancing in high school, my knees hurt
• Well I already killed my day by eating bad for lunch anyways, so I might as well just eat it
• It's hard for me to lose weight, because I have a hypothyroid issue
• I'm not good at sports
• I'm tired
• Working out is boring
• I got in a car accident and have two herniated disks
• I have to study
• I promised that I would go out tonight
• I never get any time to just relax
• I don't feel very well
• I have to get ready to go out of town
• Did I mention, I'm tired?

I woke up and realized that all of these factors put me at 261 pounds. At a height of 5'5'', I am considered morbidly obese with a BMI of 43.4, and an ideal weight of 113-138 pounds. It is suggested that I lose over half of my body weight, which qualifies me for the People magazine "Half Their Size" issue. I woke up and realized that no matter what I am doing or who I am with, I haven't been genuinely happy since I can remember, which is really unfortunate for the wonderful people in my life that deserve more.

So here it is. I'm putting it out there for everyone to see. Mostly, because I'm ashamed for hiding it like it's a big secret. And what's funny is that the only person who thinks it's a secret is me. Anybody could tell by looking at me that I'm morbidly obese, so I guess the cat's out of the bag. This blog is meant to act as my accountability. To represent my discoveries and share my struggles, and remember why I wanted this in the first place. I want to be happy. And no, happiness isn't necessarily skinny. But I believe that happiness lies in knowing that I can go shopping with my friends and know that I can try clothes on. Knowing that I can run and enjoy it. Knowing that I can walk up a flight of stairs without being winded. Knowing that I can go to Peru without being scared to weigh my team down. Knowing that I can live actively, and not be judged for it. Knowing that I can eat a piece of cake, and not feel guilty because I'm the fat girl. Knowing that I wear heels for more than 30 minutes. Knowing that I can do anything I put my mind to.

For Christmas, I asked my parents for a Lifetime Fitness membership. Mostly because I'm tired of making excuses to myself, because I'm better than that. I'm tired of being afraid I'm going to hurt my injuries, and I'm tired of being afraid to lose weight. Oddly enough, I've been the fat girl my whole life, and quite frankly, I don't know how to be anything else. So what happens if I lose the weight? What changes? I don't know if anyone knows the answer to that, but either way, I've got to stop being afraid of what's on the other side of the skinny fence. 

My boyfriend and I have committed to a weight loss challenge. Long term, I have a few fitness goals, in no particular order:

1. Lose over 100 pounds
2. Love half my body weight
3. Run a 5k
4. Run a 10k
5. Run a half marathon
6. Run a marathon
7. Complete a triathlon
8. Find something I love doing
9. Try a new healthy recipe at least once per week for 2012.

So here is my public service announcement, because there's no turning back. I ask that God give me the strength and the will power to become the woman I deserve to be. To become the woman I've dreamed of being my whole life. To give back to those I love the most. To shine in your grace. To win.

Starting weight, first week of January: 26l pounds

Today's weight: 253 pounds

TOTAL weight loss: -8 pounds, 3.6%

Short term goal: Lose 20 pounds by March 10

My long-lost blog!

Wow! I can't believe I found my missing blog. And who knew it could be found on my facebook page. It has been over two years since I have written a dang thing on this blog, so I think it is time for some updating.

Since leaving Texas Tech in August 2009, I had a lot of plans for myself. As soon as I learned to stop planning for myself, God took over and did amazing things. I had a wonderful job at Soma Intimates, where I was quickly promoted to a sales lead. I learned a lot about myself through this position, one being how much I loved sales.

During this time, I was planning on moving to Baton Rouge to attend LSU. But I came to enjoy being back at home with my family, my job, my church, and a man I met. Weighing all my options, I started to get frustrated with LSU. Going to an out of state school was going to be much more expensive, and I wasn't going to get any more money for financial aid. I learned that being a business major was not even in the realm of possibility, and getting accepted to the University alone would become extremely difficult with the way my credits were transferring. I was doing whatever it took to get accepted, including taking an additional 24 hours I didn't even need, just to get in. During my second round of applications, I found out that 6 of the hours I took were not going to transfer, which led me to enroll in distance education courses to make up for them. Fed up with the trouble I was going through for a school that I loved, but didn't seem to really want me or my money. Consequently, I applied to the University of Houston. I quickly forgot about even applying and still had my mind on LSU.

A few weeks later, I received my acceptance to UH. I brushed it aside, but still had it in the back of my mind. After a lot praying and putting my own puzzle together, I realized that maybe I was trying too hard for what I wanted, and not listening to what God wanted. Everything I needed to be successful was sitting in my own backyard, so why was I adamantly trying to spend extraordinary amounts of money to go to a school in a town where I didn't know a soul? I enrolled at UH as a full-time student with a Sports Administration major.

After my orientation, my interest in the business school became obsessive, although I knew that it wasn't possible to be accepted. The GPA requirement was too high for 2.25 GPA I had received at Tech. I went to talk to an advisor anyways. I learned that the business school calculated your GPA differently, and only took your last 60 hours versus your cumulative GPA. I learned that being accepted to Bauer was not a dream, but an extreme reality. I just need to have one great semester at UH, and acceptance would not be a problem. I was beyond thrilled, and I changed all of my sports classes to entry level Bauer classes. Through my first semester at UH, I joined the finance association to try to meet people in addition to my 18 credit hours. Unfortunately, I couldn't get rid of the chip on my shoulder. I didn't like the adjustment, and I thought I was better than everyone else. But I was wrong.

Through my basic marketing class, I met an amazing professor, Amy Vandaveer. She has some of the best public speaking skills I have ever seen, and is one the most profound professional role models I have had the pleasure of meeting. She introduced me to the Program for Excellence in Selling, where my life would be changed forever. I was accepted to the program, and went to my first G&I ceremony in December 2010. I have had many opportunities in the program, and I have met some of the most extraordinary people. I have learned more than I ever could have imagined, and I am confident to believe that I can graduate with multiple job offers in May 2012. I graduated in December 2011 from the #1 sales program in the nation. I am one of few college students that had the opportunity to create a business plan to take a solar powered product to a developing nation, Peru. Through this life changing experience, I had the opportunity to go to 3M headquarters in St. Paul, MN to present our plan, which I am proud to say is not only a plan, but a social business. In May 2012, I am going to Peru with 6 of the most extraordinary women I know to start a solar powered company called Empresa del Sol. Empresa del Sol is designed to help some of the poorest women in Peru with our first product, a solar oven.

Spring 2011 G&I

Fall 2011 G&I - Graduation

I finished last semester, easily my most difficult semester, with my first real 4.0. This January begins my last last semester as a college undergraduate, and will be one of the proudest moments of my life. While my first semester was rough, I can honestly say that I have never been more proud to be a coog. The University of Houston has changed my life for the better. I firmly believe I have one of the best educations for sales and marketing in the country, and have had amazing mentors and guidance from tier 1 professors. Without them, I would not be where I am today. Today, I am registered for my last 18 hours, have applied for graduation, and am ready to begin my search for a career.

I am truly blessed. I can't imagine what my life would be like, had I not stopped to listen. God has done some amazing things for my life - when I realized how listening to the Lord drastically changed my life, I decided to do something I never thought I would do. I got baptized in December 2010. Growing up as a Christian Scientist, you don't believe in baptism. Seeing how God changed my life and practicing as a non-denominational Christian, I realized the value and meaning in being baptized. I had to wake up one day and question why I believed things I was taught to believe while growing up. I was challenged to believe what I wanted to believe, no matter who agreed or disagreed with me.

Through all of this, I have had the best friend and boyfriend I never thought I deserved. I "met" Garrett on Valentine's Day in 2010 on the internet. I know, it sounds creepy, but lying about it is even creepier. We met on a site I like to refer to as "OkCreeper" - refer to my friends from college at Texas Tech, and they will tell you how much I loved this site. Not necessarily for the dating scenario, but to check out all the weirdos. It was always a good laugh when I needed one, and always good for killing time. I went back a forth with this site for many years where I used/not used it for periods of time, joining thanks to my high school friend Blaire that suggested I join. We loved to take those stupid quizzes. On that Valentine's Day, I received an instant message from this guy, where I rolled my eyes and was over dealing with all the creepers. I contemplated not responding, but decided I would be nice and say hello. Surprisingly enough, it was a fairly decent conversation, and I wasn't completely creeped out, although I didn't think anything of it. Almost two years later, here I am today, writing about the man I call my best friend. He loves me on the days that I don't even love myself. He's my biggest supporter. He's pretty freakin' awesome.

Garrett and I at Clint's Graduation - December 2011

The real reason I went on a mission to unlock my blog will simply have to wait until tomorrow, because I have already written a book. Feels good to be back.